Tortie Tuesday - Useful

So, last week Tybalt did the "7 Useful Things Meme," and we weren't included. However, Bendrix, Ivy's personal hero and role model, tagged her for the meme, so we are BOTH going to do it today. Ivy gets to go first, since she was the one who was tagged.

IVY

1. Tybalt isn't the only alarm clock kitty around the house. I make sure to wake mommy up no later than 3:30 am every morning by whapping the bedroom blinds. Mommy never oversleeps.
2. I keep mommy in shape. I make sure she has to chase me to keep me from being naughty at least once every day. She gets a good cardio workout.
3. I test out all the furniture by sharpening my claws on it. Not only does it give it a certain stylish flair, but it also makes sure that I keep a flawless pawdicure.
4. I talk to mommy a lot. She is never lonely. Sometimes we have entire conversations. I will even wake her up to have one.
5. I keep mommy company. It is never fun to nap alone, so I always make sure that I am either next to her or right on top of her whenever she lays down.
6. I know mommy has a kittenish playful side, and I keep her feeling young by playing "cover wars" with her in bed. This is when I tunnel underneath the sheets and attack her from behind with my teeth and claws. I know she likes this because she yells and grabs for me. Then I run away and then sneak back in so we can start all over again. The best times are when mommy is wearing a nightgown and I can squirm my way underneath that as well and attack her bum. I LOVE LOVE LOVE playing cover wars!
7. Mommy needs a new carpet in her room, and I like to remind her that she need to update her decor by clawing it up. This way she has a constant reminder that her bedroom needs an upgrade.

HOLLY

1. I make sure all of mommy's kitchen things are in order by opening the cabinets and drawers and going through everything. Sometimes I will even drag out something that I think she needs to get rid of, or pay more attention to.
2. If I find something of mommy's that is fragile, and I find personally distasteful, I will help her out by whapping it to the floor and breaking it. That way it goes in the trash and doesn't offend my sensibilities anymore. I have helped mommy out with numerous objects, including a coffee pot and a candleholder. This way mommy's house remains tasteful and understated.
3. I see mommy off to work every morning. I begin by helping her put her shoes on, then I sit next to her bag on the table and rub against her, and I finish by following her downstairs. Sometimes the others join me, and sometimes they don't, but I always see her off. Always.
4. There is nothing healthier than kitty snot. That is why I make sure to sneeze it on mommy or fling it on her at least once a day. I find the best time is right when mommy has gotten in to bed at night and has closed her eyes. It's easier to get maximum coverage when she is still.
5. I keep a vigilant watch out of the windows for evil squirrels and birdies. I will yell at them if they get too close to the house or (horrors!) come up on the porch. You can never be too careful of squirrels, especially. I just know they have an evil master plan . . .
6. I make mommy squeal with my cute toesies. She just loves my paws and how cute they are with the extra toes. I use them to hold mommy still when I want to give her love bites, and I use them to open cabinet doors and drawers. They are also useful to bat toys away from your fursiblings when you think it is your turn to play. Mommy never gets on to me for anything I do with my "mittens," because I am just too cute.
7. I don't talk as much as Ivy and Tybalt do, but I can yell very loudly when I want to. This is how I let mommy know that I am lonely. I know that if I am lonely, then she must be, too. Not only does mommy get more exercise by hunting me down to see what is wrong with me when I yell, but she also gets to pick me up and cuddle me when she finds me. Everyone knows cuddling cute kitties like me is healthy for mommies.

7 Useful Things Thursday

Chica and Pumuckl tagged me for a meme! I am supposed to list seven useful things about myself. I think I will list seven ways I am useful to my mommy!

1. I am better than mommy's alarm clock. Every morning, weekends included, I will sit on her head and purr and then move in to chew on the phone cord by no later than 5 am. This makes sure that mommy is awake well before her alarm goes off at 5:30.


2. I make sure mommy knows when she is supposed to go to bed. In my opinion, she should be in bed almost as soon as she gets home - right after she gives me my temptations, she should be in bed for a snuggle. I talk to her and encourage her to go into the bedroom from the time I've had my treats until she finally does.


3. I taste test everything mommy eats or drinks, to make sure it is good enough for her. Kings and Queens in the past had royal food tasters; I think my mommy deserves no less.


4. I always make sure to snuggle on top of mommy whenever she is sick and purr my hardest. I know this helps to make her feel better.


5. I whap my sisters when they try to take over my special mommy snuggle spot. Mommy and I have a system, and it works. I wouldn't want mommy confused over a sudden change in routine. My whapping Holly and Ivy means I save mommy not only confusion, but having to move them herself to make room for me, her prince.


6. I bring mommy breakfast in bed. I pick out only the choicest doggie food bits out of the doggie bowls and carry them to her in the morning. I even test them out first by whapping them in the floor to make sure they meet my high standards. If mommy is in the shower while I'm hunting her breakfast, then I'll leave it on her pillow and wait for her to come out and tell me how cute I am.


7. Mommy never has a doubt that she is loved, because I love her so much. I'm her special boy, and everykitty and everydoggie knows it! If mommy has a bad day, I snuggle her and listen. If she's sick, I snuggle her and purr her back to health. If she's cold at night, I snuggle her to warm her up. I make her smile and give her lots of kisses. I think this is the most useful thing I do for mommy - give her love.

Now I tag Captain Jack, Bendrix, and Elsie Fallulah Graves.